she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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