You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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