Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
