i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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