I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
