i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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