her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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