The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
