Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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