They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
