He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
