You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
