so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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