Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
