I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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