drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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