i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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