Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
