my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
