so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
