ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
