I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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