Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
