Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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