I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
