Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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