I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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