she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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