Someone shit on the floor
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost the right to judge tonight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
