I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
