she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
