so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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