So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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