So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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