I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this is an emotional support booty call
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.