So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
