either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
