guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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