dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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