I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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