Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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