Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
