Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
