This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
