mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
