I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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