Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
