Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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