This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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