remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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