i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
