dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
