On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
well you can't waste a boner
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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