I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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