Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
