I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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