you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
