we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
