It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
