so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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