you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
