Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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