We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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