I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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