I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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