I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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