She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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